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Strategically Using Compliments in Relationship Building

Compliments are an extremely effective way to build morale and relationships. However, they are not as easy to employ as one might think. It’s not just a matter of saying something nice; it’s a matter of saying something positive about something that is important to the other person. There are two broad types, extrinsic and intrinsic. Extrinsic compliments refer to things “outside” of someone and intrinsic “inside.” Intrinsic compliments will tend to make a greater impact than extrinsic ones. Their disadvantage is that they tend to be harder to pinpoint and describe. For some, intrinsic compliments are more difficult to deliver because they require a higher level of sensitivity.

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Four Basic Types of Compliments

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Extrinsic Compliments

1.    Things: compliment what they have.

2.    Job: compliment what they did.

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Intrinsic Compliments

3.    Values: compliment what they believe.

4.    Talents: compliment their innate qualities.

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Examples

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Extrinsic:

Things

  • You have a nice car.
  • You look good in that dress.
  • You have a good laptop.
  • That’s a neat picture you have.

Intrinsic:

Values

  • Your values of paying attention to the details saved us.
  • You have a super work ethic.
  • Your honesty is refreshing.
  • I’m glad you believe you shouldn’t take advantage of those types of situations.
Job

  • You did a great job on that project.
  • You did real well on that assignment.
  • That was some good advice you gave.
  • Those people really felt you helped them.
 Talents

  • You have a unique talent for that work.
  • You have an innate ability to defuse those types of situations.
  • You have a special quality that allows you to really help us here.
  • That’s a real gift you have.

Date: November 18, 2010

Categories: Approaches, Career, Change Techniques, Compliment, Emotions, Influence, Leadership, Management, Nonfinancial Rewards, Performance, Personality, Phraseology, Power of Personality, Relationship Building, Sensitivity, Techniques, Training

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